Here is a piece I wrote for a 300-level English class at the University of Missouri, Kansas City, heavily re-edited. It's 15 pages, so I posted it as a link to another blog I operate. It's based on a lot of research I was doing at the time into the intersection of financial fraud, the illegal drug industry, the intelligence community, and 'black' international policy - so most of the stuff herein is based on real events or exposed practices of the CIA. Here it is...
http://thesmellofinspiration.blogspot.com/2009/12/hsuwrite-post.html
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Great work. Enjoyed it! I'm only practicing commenting and using Jesse's name.
ReplyDeleteWow, such intrigue and mystery. Great descriptions. The images were vivid and engaging. I was confused about the "messge to my nurse" and if "she contacted the FBI and knows where the duffel bags are", how can she be safe?
ReplyDeleteGreat concept (I am in jail and am trying to save my life and get this info out)...Plenty of action, guns and accounts of specific adventures...Character descriptions of various passing folks good...But I had trouble identifying with the main character, the 'I'...Something more is needed in the beginning to bring him to life, to allow the reader to settle in and care about his plight and adventures...This is close to an action/adventure novel (a chapter or two or three), that it might be worth revisiting it and put some warmth into the protagonist...
ReplyDeletethanks for your responses everyone! ya, there are some big logical inconsistencies here; it's because I posted a version that was edited back down from a 'deepening draft' we were assigned to do where I, stupidly, tried to deepen the characters by entangling the nurse and the protagonist in a sexual relationship. it did not work out well. i agree that this story needs a lot more fleshing out (obviously oil is only dealt with tangentially, it deserves a much bigger place in a longer manuscript), as my original intent was that this chapter would be the 'teaser' start and the actual book would follow journalists working on the story, being directed by the main character from jail. hopefully i will be able to make that all happen, with your help.
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